I want to start out just by thanking God for life! So I know this is not New Years or anything, actually its smack dab in the middle of the year. However, God doesn’t always go by our time (thank goodness). This year so far has been filled with so many blessings for sure. So many new babies, one of which is my precious little boy Graham who is 4 months old! My husband and I have been tested and have had some bumps in the road, but have come out stronger and more committed to honoring God with our marriage. A blessing that sticks out to me the most has to do with my own struggle with self-esteem and security. I still have my bad days! But the freedom that comes with understanding just a little more about my position as a child of God is immensely satisfying. To be able to rest in the security of knowing my value and worth in Christ. For this I am extremely grateful. I have felt bound by this issue of security for so long. When explaining this to others, it is easy for me to take the credit and say (in fact I have said) “I have done a lot of work in that area.” when in reality it is Jesus who has done this great work in me. He is the Faithful One and the Healer. So often I pray “search my heart and see if there be any wicked way in me” as if there is a question as to whether I have pure motives. I most certainly usually do not!
I have read and am reading some good books. While I need the insight of others to shine into my life so that light can be shed on areas that I may be blind, I want to go to God first. While others can certainly be an encouragement and offer another perspective, I want God’s Word to be what I hunger for first and foremost.
While there are many blessings, more that I can count, several things trouble me and there are still many lessons to be learned. One of which is the failing health of my grandfather. He has been diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer’s disease. He also has a heart condition and diabetes. He is growing weaker and more confused with time and what is worse is that he knows it. I have never lost anyone that I am very close to and the thought scares me. As it stands now, I try to take the kids to visit my grandparents every other week. I try to treasure the times that we have and bask in the familiar smells and sounds of my grandparent’s house in the mountains of Asheville, NC. A place where I spent so much of my childhood. A place I wish I had more appreciation for when it was filled with happiness and security. Life is change and change makes us stronger. That is what I have heard. I think it is true…in retrospect.
I feel that I am bearing more of my soul to you than usual and that is good. I want to start this new chapter by being more transparent. By being more honest with you and myself about what is really going on in my heart. If it sounds a bit rambling, I do not apologize. There are past posts that I almost want to remove because I feel they sound too judgemental and condemning. I feel convicted about an issue and think that everyone else should not only feel the same way, but have the same level of passion about it that I possess. For this I do apologize. This is my flesh. This is my desire to “do something for God” that “counts” as opposed to letting Him work through me and say what He has to say the way He wants to say it. I am not removing them because that was my heart at the time and I hope that it reflects growth to the present. I will say that I hope I have not lost too many readers as a result of my fleshly agendas.
God is present. In everything. God’s way is the more excellent way. He has wonderful things in store for me if I will wait on Him.
” Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your graven images overlaid with silver, and your molten images plated with gold. You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to them, “Be gone!””
Isaiah 30:18-22
New Mercies 